my fear of . . . . bugs?

lol, yes, we all have our fears, and primaraly of this club would be the fear of spiders. but now i ask you, what are spiders if not bugs? consider the “daddy longlegs”. not technicly like a spider, but far worse, ’cause the dumb things fly around! yes, there i was, perfectly minding my own business in the bathroom, and the daddy longlegs comes flying at me! what did i ever do to him? well, suffice to say the daddy longlegs didn’t survive the ordeal. but just thinking about it is discusting! it makes me shiver. uuugh!

but thats not all! how about “sliverfish”? the little tube shaped bugs with nasty looking pichers at the end. that is one guy i do not want to have an ordeal with. then there is the ant. hey, ants are harmless right? NO!!!!! it’s true! even black spiders bite. i promise!!! but even if tehy did not, they are still horrible. just imagin, your sitting on lush green grass staring into the sky trying to figure out the shap of the lates passerby cloud, when you feel a crawling sensation. you look down at you jeans and you can’ see anything, then you feel it strongly and you stand up quickly, and there, lo and behold, ants start falling out of your pants! and now that you have stood up, the ants are in a frenzy, and not knowing where to go, they spread out! (now of course i would have freaked out a long time ago, but i think you’ll be freaked out by now.)

face it, a lot of bugs can be absolutly horrible, not to mention scary LOOKING. discusting creatures, though God created them for a special purpose, they are dispicable. all creepy crawly things are . . . .CREEPY!!!

Encounters

Tonight, horror-of-all-horrors, I had not one, but two you know what encounters. My dad found a huge one in our living room, the legs must be at least an inch long. Then, while he was showing my mom, another one was on the floor! Gah….. And after placing them both in a jar, my dad had the nerve to suggest that I sleep with them in the jar in my bed!! Pulleese! He thought that maybe that would cure me! So, after I check my bed, maybe I’ll be able to got to sleep. We will see.

 10 minutes later: This has been a bad day. I just encountered another one in our bathroom. I now have a bad complex.

My Hobby

A humours article on arachnophobia by yours truly. Does anyone relate? 

-Yeah, it’s a great hobby. I mean it’s so original, nobody could ever think of it but me. My pet a hobby; arachnophobia.

You wouldn’t believe it, it’s so fun! For example, you walk into your room one day, and see this spider the size of a large walnut sitting morbidly on one of your shelves. You immediatly go into shock,  and walk purposfully out of the room. The next step is to pace the hallway thoughtfully, pondering whether to kill the apple sized spider yourself, or hire a younger (and braver) sibling to kill it. Good, step 1 and 2 completed.

Step 3: continue to pace the hallway, cracking your knuckels nervously as you think of the spider as big as a grapefruit inside your bedroom, murmuring, “Oh, jeez. Oh, jeez,” the whole time.

Step 4: eventually, either you or one of your siblings will summon up the courage to terminate the spider as big as a canteloupe, and deposit it in the steel-lidded garbage can. If neither of you kill the spider, and it escaped to some hidden place, I recoommend seeing a phsychiatrist immediately to rid you of this fear. Did I say fear? Surely I meant hobby….heh, heh.

Step 5: now the tough part, putting yourself in a complex. For the next couple of days,  you will need to go around as if there is a spider lurking at every corner. When sitting at your desk, writing about various hobbies of yours, you need sit with your feet resting on the cross support of your chair. You will also need to perfect the art of lifting up things in the general vicinity of the spider sighting (bedroom, hall, living room, office, garage, next door neighbors house, next county, you get the idea) with the look and air of a person lifting a touch-sensitive bomb. This must be perfected, the hobby is worthless otherwise. So far so good, Step 5 is completed.

 Step 6: recover so that you can do it again. Normally not to hard and fairly boring.

 Excellent! You have completed the basic steps to being afraid of spiders! The added bonus of encountering a large spider is that you can later tell the story to your friends and aquaintences. “So I walked into my room and saw this spider as big as a watermelon….”-

The Arachnophobia Club

This is the place for arachnophobics, or in simpler words, people that have a fear of spiders. Here you can share your fears, your encounters, and your thoughts on spiders, without being ridiculed. You can discuss articles posted here on the subjects, or even right your own articles. You can make fun of yourself, you can be ashamed of yourself, the possibilitys are endless.

If you have your own WordPress.com blog, you can become a honorary member and contributing your own thoughts on arachnophobia. Members will be allowed to post their articles on the subject of arachnophobia, and will join the members list. But only people with a genuine fear of spiders are allowed to become a member of this elite club.

 The Arachnophobia Club will me managed and edited by yours truly, Mr. Claybourne, but every member will be treated with equal respect for their fear of spiders. Not one picture of any spider will be alowed on this site, as we do not wish to cause any heart-attacks, seizures, or the like because of the sensitive nature of Arachnophobians.

 While we understand the pressure Arachnophobians are under because of the wicked and life threatining purposes of spiders, nothing shall be posted or allowed whatsoever that would be inapropriate for any 10 year old. This is a must, and breaking of this rule will prompt the sending of a box of large, hairy spiders to your home.

 Articles on your encounters with spiders, humours articles on spiders, and even plans for terminating all spiders will be exepted from members. To join this special club, leave a comment at the bottom of the “Members” page, answering all the questions that will be placed at the top of the page. Remeber, only those with a true fear for spiders will be admitted into the Arachnophobia Club.

 Enjoy and share you fears!